When a child is invited to a birthday party by their peers it means a lot to them. It means a lot because typically kids choose specific classmates to attend -usually besties. That's what I thought was going on at first when K received her first party invite.

Friday night K got off the bus and ran up to me in sheer delight "Molly invited me to her party at Cosmic Adventure!"

I have never been to Cosmic Adventure for a birthday party before but I can imagine a bunch of sugared up, hyper kids running around screaming for two and half hours, if not longer. I would have said yes in a heart beat - but Molly hasn't left the greatest impression on our family.

Molly - (who's name has been changed for this post) is a girl in K's class who has been picking on her on and off since grade 1. Not just name calling and taunting but physical too. She will try to provoke other kids to not play with K at recess, things like that. In the fall she threw K to the ground by her ponytail, because she was angry K didn't do what she was told to do by this child among other things. We have spoken to the school who has spoken to her mother etc and etc until we were blue in the face, my kid is far from perfect but Molly clearly had it out for K. Our solution to this has been telling K to not react and keep her distance, if it gets too much tell an adult.

When I saw the invitation I debated whether or not I really wanted to get K's hopes up and not to mention spend my time for a child who has caused my child misery.

I know that sounds a bit harsh but as the mother of the child being picked on, I see this child causing mine more bad than good and birthday or not, I didn't want to celebrate it. I told K "we'll see" until I decided. I didn't want to answer right then and there so I waited, I wanted to see if this kid was being genuine.

All weekend K ranted and raved about Molly, how she changed and how excited she was to celebrate her birthday with her. She was even excited to go to school Monday morning, so she could see Molly and play at recess.

Today I expected my typical jolly K to come trotting off the bus. Instead I got a sad little girl with a scrape on her face who looked like she had been crying most of the afternoon. Here we go again, Molly almost had us fooled.

Obviously concerned, I immediately asked what happened. She told me Molly threw ice at her face and when she told on her, Molly said she wasn't invited to her party at Cosmic Adventure anymore. All because K did not want to obey this girl, again. K said she was so upset she felt sick to her stomach.

We chatted a little when we got home and she told me after being treated like that even if she apologizes, she wasn't interested in going to celebrate Molly's birthday with her anymore. I gave her the final decision on that one and I don't blame her for making that choice. Enough is enough.

She was hurt by the fact that Molly turned vicious once again and the fact the party invitation was revoked. To her, that invite meant friendship and today she did not show it according to K.

It was delt with by the school, several teachers and the principal stepped in on this one. It's not the first time Molly has done something like this to K and other students in her class.

K does have some good friends at school, ones shes known since preschool. They do argue from time to time like typical kids do but when it comes down to serious stuff like today when K was really hurt, they back her up and they are there for her. She named a couple of girls who she mentioned before, running to help her once again defend herself against Molly. She's starting to notice what a real friend should be.

I was worried about letting K down in the first place over the silly birthday party but it looks like this kid took care of that one on their own. I feel bad because it happened like that, K was so happy. I know I'm not always right but I had a feeling about this and I somehow knew it would result in "You're not invited!"

This may be the first time, but like I told K it probably won't be the last. She will meet many Molly's in her life, it's just up to her to be the better person and walk away. That true best friend will come someday and when he or she does, they will be inviting her to that party and she will be proud to attend. 

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  1. My daughter had similar issues in elementary school. She learned how to be a loyal, true friend, and to this day, she is the one people want on their side when the chips are down. Your daughter will learn invaluable lessons about trust, belief and courage threw these hard experiences. Good for you, having her back and supporting her while allowing her to learn as she grows.

  2. Um, Molly? Is on her way to being a serious bully. She already is. I'd hate to see her in high school. I would imagine the original invitation was the mom's idea. A way of trying to smooth things over. She needs to wake up and deal with her daughter before it is too late.

    So sad. This is the kind of situation I fear when my daughter is older. It sounds like you have been handling it beautifully. I can just imagine how frustrating and difficult this has been for YOU, let alone K.


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